i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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