i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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