I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
