this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
