Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
