just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
