I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
