apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
