I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
