So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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