dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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