i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
