Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This is not my ceiling
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
