I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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