Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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