the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
