My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
