watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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