Can Purell be used as lube?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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