Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
