You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize