Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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