can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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