My brain says no but my pants say off.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
