that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
