he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
