i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
