My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
