I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
