Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
