She's JV to your varsity
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
