2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
