We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
