Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
