We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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