He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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