Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
