How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think your dad took our porno
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
