Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
