I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
