i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
