On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
