Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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