Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
