I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
