I think I died a long time ago.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize