she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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