I feel like I'm in dance class right now
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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