what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
