i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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