Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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