We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
