He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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