This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
