Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
