my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
