If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize