also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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