just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Soap is not a condiment
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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