god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
