haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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