Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The feeling are messing with the penis
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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