the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
