I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Boobs speak an international language.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
