Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
