I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
