why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
