remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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