you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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