New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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