The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
